The eternal first step

Are you scared?
Yes
Of what?
I don't know

I though I could use this as therapeutic exercise, a 1st step to grow back to normality. But the first step is not the problem right now, for I have taken many first steps this week, only to be back where it all started.
When facing your fears people often cry that you just have to take the first step, and that it all will come naturally, and it's all bullshit.
Because after the first step comes the second with an option attached, and if you were scared of the first how should you feel on the second, where: you are closer to your fear, and you have the option to instead of going forward, to go back to square one...

I'm not a psychiatrist, nor any other kind of hustler with a magic spell to take care of fears, this is just empirical experience.
The other thing that also troubles me here is the fact that don't know what I'm really afraid of; I only know 2 things, what I hate and what I don't want:
• I Hate people, all of them.
• I don't want to be addicted to some sort of smoothing drugs, like alcohol or weed.
So if any of you son's of Freud know what's wrong with me besides depression , give me a shout out, my address is Square 1 avenue. Just beside the gates of Hell

Sent from my iPod